It’s been a long time since I’ve thought or put a pen to how I feel about life and love. It seems like love is like water in your palm. It feels like can catch it and hold it in your hand and each time you think it’s safe, but you open your hands to see that you’ve failed, yet again, to obtain the delicate balance of a relationship.

It’s hard. Breakups. Even when it’s you who has made this decision, somehow love leaves a gaping hole in your life. Love is a combination of that amazing feeling of dopamine that you lines your insides balanced out with a certain amount of work and, above all, communication. 

What keeps you in love? 

In high school, love for me was a fun rollercoaster ride of adrenaline and sneaking out at night. In college, it was a complex concept, as we were all trying to find love in a transient land filled with gap years, semesters abroad, and approaching graduations. 

So finally, when we all settle into postgrad life, many of us settle into relationships. Some even find THE ONE. The one. It’s a difficult concept for my to grasp. 

Every time I fall in love, I fall in love harder than the last time and when I fall out, it hurts worse than ever. Most like because you think ever time like you’ve finally understood the concept. You say to your reflection “you’ve got it this time.” So suddenly when your body and mind start to mourn the end of the love that once was, you can’t help but wonder what happened? And why? 

And moreover, how do I cope? 

Sorry to pull my Carrey Bradshaw but…

…am I bad at love? 

If someone doesn’t love you, it’s not the end of the world.
But if you don’t love yourself, it is.